Monday, 16 January 2017

Living with STUTTER (gagap)


As you guys read the tittle , today I gonna share my experience , emotion about how is living with stutter or in malay known as GAGAP . I never thought that I will write about this because most of the time I insecure about my stutter and don't want to talk about it , but recently I found this guy who had a same problem with me named Drew Lynch . So he is one of the finalist in American Got Talent (AGT) season 10 and make it to 2nd place. He is a comedian who has severe stutter . Mine is not bad as him but I still can relate with his problem.

I've lived with stutter since I was born and the only time I realized that I have stutter when I was 5 kinda *lol I forgot* So , living with stuttering is HARD . Before I going too far , I want to mention that my stuttering level isn't that bad but it still keep me low confidence and anxiety . I have a stutter that makes me hard to pronounce certain word . Either in Bahasa Malaysia or English . Yup , this problem really disturb me when I was in school since I had to make a presentation or read a passage out from textbook and things always didn't went well . But , my one and only solution for this problem is finding a word that has a same meaning but more easy to me pronounce it. I'm not even kidding guys , whenever I did presentation , I always have a book or paper with me and when its the time to say the "word" I will cover up my face because the struggling to pronounce the word will lead me to make a weird face expression until I can pronounce the word .

not exactly like this but kinda...*heh*

Second things I wanna share with you guys is my stutter will get worst when I talk loud or fast . Because of that I tend to talk in a slow volume and talk slowly but not everyone understand what I lived with so this shit always happened...

"weh , cakap ah kuat sikit , tak macam lelaki"

For the first time I kinda got pissed with these people that don't understand what actually going about myself but then I get used to it and just silent whenever someone said that . When I said talk slowly , I mean I will talk by pronounce the word sebutir-sebutir or if the stutter gonna happen I will put "aaa" or "ummm" between the word that I might stutter . Example..

"Kak ummm 5 ringgit no 6 eh "

That situation always happen when I go to gas station . Another way I covered my stutter is with saying that I forgot the things. I always do this because its worked every time I going to stutter and it looked more natural , hahaha . Let me give the example..

the word that I might stutter is : Kedai Muthu

eg : Alaa beli je dekat kedai *noticed I gonna stutter* ummm kedai yang sebelah farmasi tu , yang owner dia india tu...

Hahahaha , you got it? . maybe its seems a little hard to you guys get what I mean , but if you guys with me and having a conversation , you will see I do it a lot of times because of my stutter.

The next things that I hate is having a small talk . I appreciate that you want to have a small conversation with me but I just more prefer sit and silent until I reached to my destination if I was in a bus or taxi.Even when I went to like shopping mall or any places , then someone come up to me and want to ask something or just being nice to me , sorry I didn't mean to be rude or arrogant . It just I'm dealing with my problem . Because of that it lead to my social anxiety . I really get nervous when someone try to talk with me because I scared my stutter will attack me at that time . I wish I don't have stutter so I can chit chatting with everyone without any hesitate . When I pickup a call , the same thing would happen . My anxiety + stuttering will hold me up and made me hesitate to pickup the call .

camni ha dia punya nervous 

Now lets talk about my emotion facing this god gift to me . Like I mention before , I got insecure about my stuttering . I just scared if people judge about how I talk . To make the situation even worst , some people always mock me when I stutter . Its just HURT that no one understand . People tend to mocking me while I trying to act cool even though my heart already shattered into pieces. But , since I knew Drew Lynch *actually I got knew him today* he changed my perspective about my little problem because he do a stand up comedy even though he have a stutter . You guys should check his videos at his channel , click here .

Most of the part that I quite disappointed were about our society that doesn't have awareness about stutter . The only things that they do is mocking us or just laughing at us . I never meet anyone that has a same problem with me but I loved to . Sometimes I imagined how would I response if I in the live tv interview or talking to my crush , did I will stutter or I will stay quiet awkwardly? haha no one know. I really hope for those who read this entry and have a friend that stutter , please and please respect him/her . Don't mock them or talk about stutter with them publicly and lastly if you guys want to introduce your stutter friends , just talk like this..

"Weh ni kawan aku , dia stutter so yeah be nice to him/her"

Tak payah guna gagap , macam tak cool . hehehehe. See you guys in the next entry . InshaALLAH.

Assalamualaikum n bye peeps!

*sorry if my English is bad , I still practicing it* 

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

My Favourite Youtubers !


Selamat tahun baru semua! Hari keempat 2017 korang buat apa je? Aku , selain menunggu result SPM ade je ni ha mengadap youtube . Cakap pasal youtube , korang mesti layan youtube jugak kan? cuma mungkin berbeza-beza tahap korang layan youtube tu . Macam aku , aku buka dan layan youtube hari-hari . Like legitly hari-hari . Aku memang tak tengok tv langsung . So jangan tanya drama pukul 7 apa sekarang ni kat tv3 sebab memang aku tak layan . Memang boleh kira berapa kali je aku tengok tv dalam seminggu sebab kebanyakkan masanya aku dalam bilik , ruang tamu layan youtube . Basically youtube adalah "tv" akulah , senang cerita.

Jadi malam ni aku nak share a few youtubers yang aku tengok , minat dan yang aku layan hari-hari . Sebelum tu nak mention some of these youtubers mempunyai adult content which is every their videos contains cussing word . So adik-adik yang bawah 13 tu minta panduan ibu bapa  sebelum tengok ye , huihuihui . Jadi yang pertama ialah...

 this is Corrine and Rob . Yup they are husband and wife

Jadi channel youtube yang pertama favourite aku adalah ThreadBanger . Channel diaorang ni asalnya channel yang buat Diy kind of video pasal menjahit . Macam-macam jenis tutorial menjahit lah diaorang buat . But , a few years later , diaorang tukar content channel diaorang kepada video Diy Pinterest . Basically diaorang akan ambil mana-mana idea di dalam pinterest dan cuba buat . 

|| Disclaimer : Channel diaorang bukan family friendly . Depa banyak mencarut tapi believe me lawak gila ||

At first masa aku jumpa channel diaorang ni aku tak berapa berkenan sangat sebab banyak sangat mencarut every single video . So aku pun berhenti layan . Tapi tak tahu macam mana aku terjumpa balik channel diaorang dan terus addict dengan semua video diaoarang . Satu benda yang aku kagum pasal channel ni , kesungguhan dan komitednya bila depa buat sesuatu Diy tu sangat sungguh-sungguh . Kadang-kadang sampai 3 - 5 kali diaorang cuba Diy tu sampai menjadi . Another point untuk korang layan video-video diaorang adalah sebab depa tak fake when the camera turn on . Everything is real  . Maksud aku meja bersepah masa tengah buat Diy semua diaorang tunjuk tak macam typical girl youtubers yang cuba nak "look nice " on everything bila diaorang buat Diy video. 

yup dulu dia viner.

Let jump into second youtubers yang aku suka ,  Liza Koshy . Content video dia mostly sketsa lawak dan random things . Dia mulakan karier dengan vine dulu kemudian berpindah ke youtube . *kenapa aku bagitahu karier? nanti aku terang* Liza ni baru je lagi buat youtube channel tapi dia punya nama mendadak naik tu cepat betul . She even have won an award on Streamy Award . Satu benda yang menarik pasal video-video ni pertama semuanya relatable ataupun senang ceghita semua boleh kita kait dengan diri sendiri atau macam berfikir "eh ni macam aku" lebih kurang . Lagi satu , cara dia edit video-video dia . Unik-unik belaka weh . Dia lah youtuber pertama yang aku tengok ada skill editing video yang unik dengan cara dia tersendiri . 

|| Disclaimer : Channel ni family friendly . Jangan risau tiada cussing , bad word ||

Okay , now let me explain about carrier tadi tu . Dia macam ni , youtube things dekat US atau dia luar negara adalah suatu benda yang boleh dijadikan sebagai pekerjaan tetap . Macam Liza ni , kerja dia adalah literally membuat video , edit video dan post dalam youtube . Diaorang boleh buat duit 4-6 angka weh . Industri youtube kat Malaysia ni mungkin kecil sebab kita susah nak engage dengan penonton luar negara tapi diaorang sampai ada yang boleh beli rumah dengan duit buat youtube video je . Sebab itulah aku kata "KARIER"

Yang ketiga pula ialah David Dobrik . Sama juga dia ni bermula dengan vine dulu kemudian berpindah ke youtube . Fyi , dia ni boyfriend Liza . Channel dia ni basically channel vlog theme video . Semua video dia adalah video vlog . So content vlog dia , kehidupan seharian dia lah . I dont know tapi aku ada weird habit dimana aku suka tengok vlog/kehidupan orang lain . Bagi aku ia satu hiburan untuk menghiburkan aku yang forever alone ni T_T . Vlog dia dah banyak so kalau korang nak check it out channel dia better dari first video supaya senang faham untuk next vlognya . 

|| Disclaimer : Channel ni bukanlah family friendly , so pepandailah nak tengok tu pasang earphone ke ||

Tapi actually dia punya content bukanlah vlog semata-mata tapi ada jugak "funny skits" yang dia suruh kawan-kawan dia berlakon tapi dibuat dalam bentuk vlog . tak faham? korang kena layan dulu video-video dia . 

Youtubers yang terakhir adalah Krist Soup!! . Channel dia ni sumpah aku cakap sapa-sapa yang suka tumblr-ish , minimal-ish theme korang mesti suka channel dia ni . Krist ni adalah youtuber yang buat video pasal makanan-makanan yang unik / trendy dengan cara dia tersendiri . Selain tu dia jugak ada buat video macam room tour*bilik dia sumpah lawa gila! korang kena tengok* , morning routine macam tu . Satu benda yang aku suka pasal channel dia adalah skill editing video dia sangat-sangat aesthetic , tumblr-ish . Sedap je mata memandang . 

|| Disclaimer : Channel ni 100% family friendly , korang boleh ajak parent korang tengok video-video dia ||

Oh another thing yang aku tertarik dengan Krist ni adalah dia seorang Vegan . Jadi setiap kali video yang berkaitan makanan korang boleh perasan dia guna bahan alternatif untuk seorang vegan membuat makanan yang rasanya sama dengan makanan non vegan . Contohnya macam ais krim yang diperbuat daripada pisang tapi rasanya sama je macam ais krim biasa . Dia jugak banyak guna bahan-bahan organik . Satu benda yang aku belajar dari channel dia yang kita ada whipped cream yang soy based . Sebelum ni aku tak tahu pun. #barutahu

Kalau korang berjaya baca enty ni sampai habis tanpa tutup bila dah baca separuh sebab bosan tahniah! Terima kasih sebab sudi layan tulisan aku ni . Aku sebenarnya memang nak sangat buat entry tapi takda idea . Kalau korang berminat nak usha setiap youtubers tu korang cuma klik dekat nama yang aku dah besarkan font dia tu dan kalau korang ada youtubers lain yang maybe boleh aku layan , jangan segan silu share dekat comment section ataupun korang nak share youtubers favourite korang dengan aku pun boleh jugak. 

Assalamualaikum n bye peeps!

"Maaf bagi pengunaan AKU untuk yang lebih dewasa daripada aku."